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This yarn is in 100% dialect form : you will need maximum concentration!
T'other day Our bin oover-a Bury marke(t), Now you know 'ow all them there roods A(t) larst Oi see a li(tt)le owl co(tt)age on the Ar(t)er a werra long toime, someone li(t) a candle "Halloo!", E say. "Halloo yersalf!", Oi say;
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"Oo," E say, "Windham?", E say. " Yis," Oi say, "Windham". "Ah," E say, "Now which way did you COME?" "Wal," Oi say "now tha(t) dorn(t) ma(tt)ers "Noo . . ." E say; then E say Wal, then Oi lorst moi temper - tha(t) Oi did. "Woo(t) the devil do tha(t) ma(tt)ers ta you An' then E say - "Good Noigh(t)",
E say; |
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The Norfolk "yokel" is standing near the end of the lane leading to a river-crossing. The passing car driver makes the grave mistake of using a haughty manner, when yelling from his open window :
to drive through this stream?" Oi reckon you cen droive in all roigh(t). The motorist soon found himself in deep water - |
Wal, came the cool reply, Oi dorn' know no-o-othin abou(t) moo(t)er cars; but tha(t) dorn' come noo more'n 'alf-way up our Marster's ducks . . . The helpless motorist had to take it on the chin, Tha(t) wooz roigh(t) wha(t) I tow'd 'im abou(t) |
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A Jaguar driver was doing well over 70 m.p.h.
on a deserted country lane, which (unusually) went dead straight for a mile or more. So he was getting much too complacent (about both traffic and road), and accordingly distracted.
Only at the last moment did he notice the
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To his great credit, he pulled himself together
enough to avoid the rear of the trailer; and even managed to use the gateway for that purpose. Unfortunately, the speed of the manouevre
The relieved tractor-driver turned |
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Jack, the Thetford baker, was swamped with orders (from Norwich anorl) for his famous rabbit-pies. A local customer complained one day :- Jack, Oi can'(t) mairke ou(t) woo(t)-a The baker replied, confidentially : |
Soo, woo(t) are-ya a-doin'-on, then? asked Jimmy.
The baker, reduced to a whisper : Blast, said Jimmy,
how much hoss mea(t) Jimmy asked, with great suspicion, |
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The Mission to Deep Sea Fishermen had Queen Victoria's approval. So much so, that she received a two-man deputation (two Gt. Yarmouth skippers of "fishing-smacks"). They brought with them a loyal gift of a model of When we go(t) there, there wooz a fella me(t) us - Oi say ta him "Yis, tha(t) we hev", Oi say. Wal, bor, we wen(t) tru rume ar(t)er rume; an' a(t) An' E say :- |
Wal, if you believe me, Our looked oover tha(t) model,
an' wen(t) on a-lookin' oover-a a score toimes, an' Oi hen(t) navver seen no-o-othin' wrong with-a. Then the caar(t)ain drawed to one soide, an' there An' jist afore Oi gan tha(t) ta har, Oi looked down . . .
Woo(t)avver did the Queen say-a tha(t) lo-o-o(t)?,
The Queen she behairved loike a parfec(t) lairdy : |
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Only a month after his wife's funeral, George was seen "walking-out" with a girl only half his age. A friend warned him, in these terms : You wan(t)-a look ou(t), George. You remember |
"Ah", said George,
"But Oi thow(t) a-tha(t) afore Oi star(t)ed cour(t)in' this hare young mawther a-moine. Ya see, owl Billa Woods, the undertairker, |
^Top^ : [Mardle]
One on 'em thow(t) he'd play a trick on the owl fella;
soo one mornin', when E haard him a-comin' (tha(t) wooz
December, an' as black as dark (h)ogs), E bopped-up from
ahoind a tombstoon an' star(t)ed a-scrabblin' away wi' his
(h)ands an' sharmin' : "Lemme gi(t) back, lemme gi(t) back!"
The owl fella up wi' his stick an' cracked 'im acrorst
the skull, an' say : "Tairke tha(t), you silly owl bugger -
you shou'n(t) ha' go(t) ou(t)!"
^Top^ : [Mardle]
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1. Young mother : Cen the Reverent christen moi li(tt)le-un a-Sunda? Verger : Noo, moi dare, tha(t) E carn'(t) : an',
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2. Widow, to the Reverend Digby : Ooh, Mr. Digby, Now, Mr. Digby woo(t) d'you think?
^Top^ : [Maj. Anthony Buxton] |
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He haard as (h)ow 'is young woman 'ad took ta walkin' along-a (r)another young man; and E say - as (h)e'd ivry roigh(t) to do - "You're a slippery slink, you are!". She took tha(t) tarrible ta haar(t); an' she wen(t)
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In the noigh(t) she were took-a tarrible pairns-a har insoide, an' she sen(t) for the doctor, an' E come an' done all his possibles. But E said as (h)ow there wooz a koind-a seedimen(t) An' in the noigh(t) she passed away boo-ful peaceful, |
^Top^ : [Maj. Anthony Buxton]
Bu(t), do you know, Oi reckon tha(t) - if tha(t)
hen'(t) bin fer tha(t) there poost-mor(t)em -
he'd still ha' bin aloive an' with us (t)aday . . .
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Oi aren'(t) agin tractors. No(t) at all. Noo doub(t) we wan(t) more on 'em. You carn'(t) call a tractor good company : An' let ya know thass pleased to see-ya? Bu(t) do they tahn backards ta listen Noo fare they dorn'(t)- no(t) them! Nor yi(t) "Cubbear" to a tractor. Loike welve(t), Fer a napple or a bi(t)-a swee(t). Whoy, a hoss is werry nare a Christian : Goo you in(t)er the yard a-Sunda mornin' D'you remember them two brown-uns? Oi woos there when they were born, Oi browt 'em up, Oi brook 'em in Ah, they WOR a pair-a hosses, Lovely ringles all oover thar coo(t)s; Thar coo(t)s were loik a bit-a silk. You carn'(t) curry-coomb a tractor If you do, tha(t)'ll bahn yer hand Ah, tractors are all werry wal Noo doub(t) we wan(t) more on 'em How much Oi miss moi hosses . . . |
> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > |
They do gi(t) oover some ground Bu(t) Oi do miss moi hosses! Will tha(t) hare ya come in(t)er the yard Tha(t) ha' go(t) lugs med-a steel, Ter ivery wahd you say to 'em? Tha(t) earn'(t) noo good sayin' "Woosh" Tha(t) hearn'(t) go(t) a noice sorft noose Woo(t) snubble up agin ya po-o-ocke(t) Tha(t) know Sunda from week-day. You'll foind them all layin' down - they know werry wal thass Sunda. Prince and Captain we nairmed 'em. Exac-ly a twalvemonth atwin 'em. By the soide-a thar ole mother. The best round hare fer moiles. Dapples, our ole man useter call 'em Nor yi(t) you carn'(t) coox-a. Or alse, freeze-a! They whoolly gi(t) oover some ground. Bu(t) still thass a marsterpiece |
Native : Yis, an' E wan(t) a fule ter roide-um - will you come?
It is also suggested that the key word is pronounced 'dicka'.
[ Has your father got a donkey, mate? ]
Chairman : He mean pu(t) 'em on the sosh.
^Top^ : [Russell Colman]
1. Mother to Doctor :
Pore li(tt)le booy, E suffer suthin' tarrible fr'm stoppages! (to relieve constipation). Mother (some days later) :
a mi(t)e-a good. All tha(t) fare-a do is groipe 'im!. "Not a bad description of what happens in a fit", confesses the Doctor, later. ^Top^ : [Dr. Irene Green from Durham] |
2. Urgent call to Doctor : E's whoolly bad with a abser an' thass a-suin'.
Come you a-day, doctor, please : doon'(t) he'll doi! Owl George, E fare whoolly quare a-day.
^Top^ : [Mardle] |
Oi mairde moi oobediences ter 'im,
but E woon(t) nayther speak nor grun(t)!
His friend replied :
Oo 'im - E wooz mean(t) fer a gentleman,
bu(t) spoil(t) in the mairkin.
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One chap had borrowed a book from another. The owner, re-united with his book, says : Thankee fer bringin' tha(t) back : the missus wooz now axin' where tha(t)'d go(t) to. Oi'll pu(t) tha(t) on the shulf. [shelf] |
The borrower replied : Oi'm roigh(t) glad you len(t) tha(t) ta me. Oi ought-a ha' brung tha(t) back sooner, oolly tha(t) fared as if Oi coun'(t) pu(t) tha(t) down. Thass a maaster foine story, tha(t) tha(t) is!. |
At breakfast the next morning, both involuntary guests
were horrified to be asked:
Note : The joke is ruined if agatha is used
- who would understand?!?.
Suddenly he realised that the stranger had already taken
some directions, but from a Norwich citizen who had
tried to say "Lower Goat Lane" (Lar-Goo(t) Lairne).
^Top^ : [Mardle]
Man, blowing hard through an empty pipe, to his mates:-
Oi reckon Oi shall ha(tt)a goo-a Bungay
an' gi(t) new-bo(tt)omed!
A toss-po(t)ly, stuff-gu(t)ly, smoke-bacca-ly,
starve-bastardly, whoremongerly wagabond!
The li(tt)le ow'd booy, E come jist in toime
fer a sloice-a the weddin' cairke!!
One booy uz (h)alf a man; two booys are (h)alf a booy;
tr'ee booys en(t) noo booy at all.
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Finally, a story (sorry, yarn) of true 24-carat Norfolkism - for which the dialect is quite superfluous. My very favourite story, so you will read it, won't you? Like all parables, you ignore it at your own risk . . . The Scene
The Cry For Help
He persevered two or three more times, in danger of
Then (drat!) - - it was back to the farming work!.
The Response
It was a long way, and the speed of approach was |
The Meeting After what seemed ages, the labourer got near enough - without any response or sign of recognition - for the stranger to put his problem in a normal, if loud, voice : "I say, there, which way is Blo Norton?". He didn't like to admit, in so many words, to being lost. There was no reply, and still no perceptible reaction, until the labourer came very close to the hedge.
The Answer
"you can blooda guess the waay to Bloo Nor(t)on!". He turned, remarkably swiftly, and began his long march back towards the middle of the vast field.
The Moral |